Alone
by HannahRose00
Summary: When Rachel's mother abandoned her at a young age, Rachel decided to erase her from her memory. But when a strange package arrives, will Rachel be able to accept her mother back into her life? *Rachel/Shelby friendship with hints of Puck/Rachel romance*
1. Chapter 1

AN: Hello readers! This is a story I started awhile ago and posted earlier but unfortunately I was unhappy with the way it was progressing so I took it down. I've been having a bit of trouble continuing my other story that's been in progress, _Leaving Lima_, so I decided to switch gears. This story takes place a few weeks after "Sectionals" when Finn discovers the true paternity of the baby. Hope you enjoy!

AN2: As far as the story goes, it's a bit AU since Rachel's mother didn't actually abandon her on the show. Also this story has a bit of Puckleberry action so don't say I didn't warn you.

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><p>Rachel Berry had been called a lot of things in her life: crazy, insane, obsessive compulsive, a control freak. She was used to that. There weren't too many people in Lima that were willing to sacrifice their popularity to befriend her. Not even the glee kids, who got about as little respect as she did, would ever attempt to offer friendship. For this reason she was used to being alone.<p>

It was a few weeks after "babygate" had broken. The animosity in the choir room was almost unbearable. Quinn and Puck sat next to each other in the choir room as Finn attempted to sit as far away from them as possible. Quinn's constantly sorrowful expression never left her face. Meanwhile, Finn refused to speak to anyone he felt had been a part of the secret, including Rachel. No matter how many times she tried to explain that she broke the news to him as soon as she found out, he didn't believe her.

The realization that Finn may never forgive her felt like a blow to the chest. The overbearing sense of loneliness she had felt for so long suddenly seemed more tragic than ever. Those brief moments they spent together had wrongly led her to believe that she would never have to be alone again. Now that he wanted nothing to do with her, Rachel Berry was not only alone but completely broken inside.

Her first instinct was to act as though the whole Quinn/Finn/Puck baby daddy drama had never happened. She would forget about Finn's rejection and move on with her life, and that's exactly what she did, sort of.

It was hard to completely forget about the whole situation when she had been pining over Finn for so long, but then she had met Jesse. Even though he had been on the rival team, Vocal Adrenaline, and the gleeks were convinced that he was using her, Jesse proved his devotion by transferring to McKinley just to be with her. Now that she had her leading man, everything should have been perfect, right?

If that was the truth, why did she still feel so alone?

She came to the conclusion that even though she had Jesse she still craved the friendship and the feeling of being accepted. If she was to become one of the most respected Broadway stars of all time she would have to be able to gain the respect of her fellow peers. She knew it would be a challenge but it was a challenge she was willing to take on. How hard could it possibly be? Rachel Berry would no longer be the overbearing obsessive compulsive diva she was labeled as. It was time for a change.

With this goal in mind, Rachel bounced around excitedly. She was ready to do whatever it took to accomplishment it, but she had no idea where to start. The old Rachel Berry probably would have made a color coded chart for whatever she had in mind but already she was changing. It was strange actually; in no way did she want to become a completely different person just to get people to like her. God forbid she turned into a Quinn Fabray, or worse, a Santana Lopez. This was going to take some practical thinking but overanalyzing it would get her nowhere.

She stood up, smoothed down her skirt, and prepared to make her way downstairs. As she skipped towards her door she caught her reflection in the mirror of her room. She was wearing one of her normal outfits, a white button down and sweater vest paired with a short black skirt, knee highs, and flats. People like Quinn and Santana always made fun of her clothes ever since she started high school. Even Kurt had made snide comments about the way she dressed saying she looked like a grandma and a toddler at the same time. How was that even possible?

Nevertheless, she hadn't always dressed the way she did. It was only because her fathers had always told her it was the socially acceptable way a young lady was to dress. The way other teenagers her age dressed was 'disgraceful' and 'tasteless' according to Hiram and Leroy Berry. She never questioned them because she had no reason to. She took one last look in the mirror before making her way down the stairs.

She found a note on the coffee table, her fathers were away again. Daddy was in Seattle for an important business meeting and Dad was up north somewhere for a medical conference. They were always away so she didn't think much of it. She sat down at the table with her breakfast and chewed silently.

So lost in her thoughts she practically jumped out of her chair when she heard the screeching of a car making an abrupt stop. She raced to the door just in time to see car speeding away from her house. Assuming it was someone from school playing a practical joke and driving off before they got caught; she stepped outside to survey the damage.

Rachel was confused. They hadn't egged her house or forked the lawn. There wasn't any toilet paper anywhere or any broken windows. Who could it have been and why did they drive off so quickly?

Whoever it was, they were long gone by then. She decided to forget about the whole thing and made her way back towards her house. Just as she opened the door she saw something from the corner of her eye. She looked closer and realized it was a small brown box. It looked harmless enough so she took it inside and set it on the kitchen table.

"What in the world is this?" She mumbled under her breath.

She opened the flap of the box and peered into it. She was confused at first until she started pulling things out. They were old, covered it dust as though they hadn't been touched for years. Most of them were baby and toddler clothes. There were some toys and a few CDs. She sifted through the box until she found and old cassette player.

The cassette tape was still inside and an envelope was taped to it. She peeled off the envelope and saw that it was addressed to 'Rachel' it neat script. Rachel didn't know what to think of it. She racked her brain in an attempt to figure out why someone would leave this box for her.

She set down the letter and picked up an old child's rattle she found at the bottom of the box. It was pink and white with music notes all over. She stared at it curiously until it finally hit her.

This rattle was hers.

He eyes widened as she looked at the rest of the things. The clothes, the toys, the CD's, they had all belonged to her at one point in her life. Her eyes widened and she tore open the letter. Unfolding it she discovered it was practically ten pages long. She flipped through the pages without reading them until she reached the end.

It was signed: -Mom-


	2. Chapter 2

AN: I'm back! A big thank you to everyone who left some sort of feedback on this story; for anyone who's waiting for the next chapter of _Leaving Lima_ don't worry, I haven't given up on it yet. I'm simply waiting for the inspiration bug to bite. As for this story instead of Rachel never having known her mother, in my story she did know her at some point. I'm not sure if I made that clear in the first chapter. Anyways everything will be explained later on so keep reading!

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><p>Jesse St. James drove away from Rachel's house as quickly as possible. His hands were clenched tightly around the steering wheel as he stared straight ahead. His heart was beating erratically as he maneuvered his way through the streets of Lima.<p>

'_You're doing a good _thing.' He reminded himself, _'She'll thank you for it eventually.'_

With that thought in mind, his grip on the wheel eased slightly and the thumping in his chest slowed down to a soft steady beat. Everything would be fine. As soon as Rachel read the letters and listened to the tape she wouldn't rest until she saw her mother again, Jesse was sure of it.

Jesse drove his car farther down the road until he reached the parking lot of Carmel High. He shifted into park and leaned his head against the seat, eyes closed. His attempt at relaxation was cut short when a sharp voice screeched at him and slipped into his car.

"It's about time! What the hell took you so long?" The voice yelled loudly.

Jesse's eyes snapped open and he whipped his head around. "What the– How did you–? When did you –?" Jesse sputtered before taking a deep breath, "Jesus Christ woman, you scared me half to death!"

She rolled her eyes before raising an eyebrow.

He sighed tiredly. "I left the box just like you asked."

He peered over at the woman seated next to him. Strangely she wasn't talking. For as long as he had known her she was always talking, but right at that moment she was completely silent. Jesse opened his mouth to ask if she was alright but cut himself off when he heard muffled sniffling noises coming from her.

"Shelby, are you –?"

"Did you see her?" Shelby asked him suddenly.

Her eyes were red rimmed and mascara streaks trailed down her checks. The rest of her makeup was smeared and her hair was knotted and tangled, as though she had been running her figures through it for hours.

"Shelby you –"

"Did you see her or not?" She snapped so loudly that Jesse cringed against his seat.

She must have noticed because she visibly tried to calm herself down. Taking a deep breath she turned back to her former male lead and spoke in a much softer voice.

"Did you?"

"No." His voice was soft, comforting. "I left as soon as I dropped off the box." He told her.

He looked over his shoulder again. Shelby's eyes were glassy and she was biting her lip in an attempt to hold back the tears.

"Shelby, I feel like you're not telling me something important." He paused looking for a reaction from her.

When she remained stony faced he continued, "If you want me to continue whatever this is with Rachel, you're going to have to tell me the truth."

Jesse waited patiently for Shelby to answer the question. He was fully aware that Shelby was Rachel's birthmother. When Shelby asked for his help he thought he knew the whole story. Unfortunately, it seemed like she had left out a few major details, but enough was enough. He wanted the whole story or else he wouldn't help her anymore. He was willing to wait all night in the car if that's what it was going to take to find out the truth. All she had to do was start talking.

Shelby took a deep breath, "I'll tell you what you want to know, but you're going to have to let me tell the story my, all the way through, and no interruptions."

"Alright." He agreed.

She settled back into her seat and looked straight ahead again. "I answered an ad in the paper. Her Dads seemed nice enough. The money they offered would be able to help me get my start in New York, so I went for it."

The tears she had tried so hard to hold back were threatening to spill over. "I spent nine months with Hiram and Leroy. Nine months of intense cravings, god-awful morning sickness, and classical music being played to my stomach on a regular basis."

She paused again, composing herself. "When I finally gave birth, I didn't want to give her up. I'd spent the last nine months carrying her inside me. I protected her. I wanted to snatch her away from the Berry men and take her home with me."

"Oh Shelby…" Jesse sighed.

"It was a momentary lapse of judgment." She snapped. "I told you not to interrupt!"

"Sorry." He mumbled. "Continue."

" Hiram Berry saw how torn up I was about the whole thing. He said even though I signed the contract, they were willing to let me be a part of Rachel's life." She tilted her head back and smiled as the memories came back to her.

Jesse was stunned. This was something he'd never expected. As far as he knew, surrogate mothers signed contracts that prohibited them from contacting the child until he or she turned eighteen.

Jesse was puzzled, "What happened?" He asked her.

She turned her head slightly facing him as the tears continued to poor down her cheeks.

"I screwed up." She whispered. "I loved her so much but then Hiram insisted I still take the money they offered. It was enough to help me get started on a career in New York, but I knew if I left, I'd lose my daughter."

Shelby laughed to herself in a sad pathetic way, "I chose New York over my daughter. I packed up everything I had and left. I didn't tell Hiram or Leroy, and especially not Rachel. I knew they would try to contact me so I wrote them a letter telling them how sorry I was. I told them if I wanted to become an actress I had to leave."

Jesse offered her a tissue from a package he found in the backseat of his car. She took it and buried her face in it.

"My desire for fame blinded me from seeing that my daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me." She sobbed. "I was too much of a coward to even say goodbye."

Jesse kept silent for the rest of her confession. Never before in all the years he'd been in Vocal Adrenaline had he ever seen his coach like this. She dabbed at her eyes with the tissue and lifted her head again.

"I couldn't even become a successful actress. I gave up a life and a relationship with my daughter all because I wanted to be a star. She probably doesn't want me in her life anyway, but I have to do something. I can't live like this anymore."

"Shelby," Jesse asked once her sobs were under control, "You've been in Lima all this time. At some point you had a relationship with the family. How can her fathers not know that you're here?"

"Oh they know I'm here." She sighed bitterly. "We've talked several times. They're not sure they want me to come back into Rachel's life, but I can't stay away any longer. It's killing me."

"And Rachel?" He questioned.

"I left when she was young, and I look much different than I used to. She probably wouldn't recognize me. Still, if I ever tell her who I am, she might not remember my physical appearance but that doesn't mean she won't remember what I did." Shelby stated.

"Wow." Jesse breathed. He didn't know what to say.

"I know." She answered before looking at him one last time. "You have to make her listen to that tape. Once she hears my voice, she won't rest until she finds me. Whether or not she wants me back in her life is a different story. Please, just do this for me." She pleaded.

Jesse nodded silently. Shelby threw him a small smile before exiting the car. As soon as she left Jesse ran his fingers through his hair. The whole situation between Rachel and Shelby had just gotten ten times more complicated, but he was already in too deep and there was no way he was going to back out now. He could only hope that everything in this messed up situation they had created would turn out for the best.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Hey everyone! Thanks for all the new story alerts and favorites! I really appreciate it! If it's not too much trouble, please review. The more people that review, the faster the chapters will come. Your feedback gives me inspiration and if you want me to add your ideas review and I'll try to incorporate them into the story! So without further ado, here's the next chapter!

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><p>Rachel's eyes widened at the neatly printed "Mom" at the end of the stack of letters. She dropped them quickly, as if they burned her. The toys, the pictures everything in that box had come from the time when Shelby Corcoran had lived with the Berry family. It was a time that Rachel had tried so hard to completely erase from her brain. She didn't want to remember the few years she had with her mom. In Rachel's eyes "Mom" didn't exist anymore. She gave up that right when she left for New York.<p>

Rachel snatched the letters off the ground roughly and threw them back into the box. Closing it tightly, she carried it up stairs and shoved it into the back of her closet. She slammed the door shut and locked it.

Her emotions were running all over the place. She could feel the anger building inside but it was quickly overtaken by sadness and grief. Every emotion she had ever experienced coursed through her in a matter of seconds. A voice inside her head told her that she'd never be able to fully erase her mother's existence with that box in the closet. As quickly as she shoved it in, Rachel pulled it back out. She tore it open and dump out its contents all over the floor.

'_Pull yourself together," _She thought to herself, _'Your Rachel Berry for crying out loud. You can handle this.'_

As she sifted through the items on the floor each one brought back a more painful memory than the last. There was the playbill from the first Broadway musical they had gone to together, the rattle with the music notes that she'd seen earlier, and the pages and pages of letters that had come with the box. She perused the letters and read the different dates. The letter had all been written during different time periods. Some of the pages were tear-stained with smudged ink. Her eyes scanned the paper as she caught words like 'sorry' and 'mistake.' It was then that she remembered the tape in the cassette player. Rachel was torn. She wanted to read the letters from Shelby but she had been fooled by her once, and, frankly, Rachel didn't think she'd be able to handle it if Shelby broke her heart, again.

Rachel picked up the letters and held then gingerly. She knew that even if she shoved the box back in to the closet and tried to forget the whole incident, eventually she'd give in and dig it back out. This was just too big to ignore. She carefully separated the first letter from the rest. It had the earliest date so she decided to start with this one. She padded over to her bed and relaxed against the headboard.

_Dear Rachel,_

_If you're reading this letter I guess I can consider it a small accomplishment. I didn't even think you'd bother. Don't get me wrong, I hoped you would, but still. I'm sorry you have to read this from a letter and not hear it from my mouth but I think if I saw you right now I wouldn't ready. I know you're probably thinking: Did she really just write that? But nevertheless it's true, just not for the reasons you might think. I screwed up. I screwed up big-time. It was the mother-load of all screw-ups. When I left that day, I left the only thing in my life that was worth living for. I can't tell you how many times I've looked through that box and cried myself to sleep. I was young and stupid. I didn't think I was ready for a kid and I didn't want to disappoint you. So I left. It was the worst thing I ever could have done, and I realize that now. I can't ask you to forgive me; I don't deserve it anyway, but I'd like to ask for a second chance. You may not believe me, but I love you so much. I want this to work out, for both of us._

_All my love, _

_Mom_

Rachel dropped the letter as the tears poured down her cheeks. Her vision was blurred and her hands were shaking violently. A loud heart wrenching sob ripped from her throat as she buried her face in her hands.

"If you loved me," She whispered quietly, "You wouldn't have left me in Lima."

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><p>Noah Puckerman, aka "Puck," sauntered down the halls of William McKinley High with a scowl on his face. Ms. Long had just kicked him out of math class for using the sharp thingy; you know that thing with the pencil that made really good circles, as a makeshift dart. What? It wasn't his fault that kid decided to get in the way of his shot, but whatever, the crazy lady through a fit and sent him down to Figgins office. He hadn't actually planned on going to the principal's office. He was walking towards his truck with the intention of driving to the 7-Eleven and buying a slushie or some dip.<p>

Just as he was turning the corner, he could hear the sounds of the piano coming from the choir room. Most of the student body was in class and Brad, the glee club's piano player, only showed up for rehearsal. Who would be in the choir room now? Whatever, it wasn't his problem. He continued to make his way down until whoever was playing started to sing.

_You used to call me everyday_

_Words mean nothing_

_Without someone to say _

_Now I stand beside myself in the pouring rain_

_And I just want to see your face_

Puck paused, that was definitely Berry's voice, but something was different about it. The unmistakable power and life that flowed through her voice was gone. Instead, her voice sounded so broken.

The arrogant jackass inside himself told him to keep walking and pretend that he hadn't heard her, but for some reason he couldn't. Puck leaned against the wall by the choir room, listening to her song.

_When you're far away_

_I miss you_

_But I know you're here with me_

_When you're far away_

_I need you_

The singing stopped but the sounds of the piano continued to float through the air. The melody was slow but incredibly heartbreaking. Puck had never heard anything so sad in his life. He crept over quietly towards the choir room and peered through the door. Rachel had stopped playing and stood up. She looked different today. He usual sweater and skirt combo was missing and had been replaced by jeans and a t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back and her eyes were red and blotchy. She walked over to the bag she brought and rummaged around in it until she found what she was looking for. It looked like a bunch of pieces of paper and an old cassette tape. What was she doing?

Rachel took the tape and placed it in an old cassette player. She pushed down on the play button then quickly pressed stop. She ejected the tape roughly before putting it back in again. She did that a few more times before ultimately deciding not to listen to whatever it was.

"I – I can't do this." She croaked as she buried her face in her hands and let a few strangled sobs escape from her lips.

Puck stared at her. Never before had he seen Rachel Berry so fragile and broken. It was painful to watch. She was basically self-destructing right in front of him.

Once she had composed herself, Rachel stood up and grabbed her things before bolting out of the room. Before he had time to react, he was face to face with her as she caught him listening outside the choir room. He was expecting a lecture or something equally boring so he prepared himself to tune her out as soon as she started talking, but he never got the chance. As soon as her reddened chocolate brown eyes met his dark hazel ones she stared at him blankly before turning around and walking out of McKinley.

Puck stared at her retreating form as she left the school. _" What the fuck is going on?" _ He thought to himself. Puck ducked into the choir room and sat on one of the plastic chairs. He was trying to figure out what exactly had happened. He lifted his head as something on the piano caught his eye. It was the cassette player Berry had left. If he played it maybe it would help him figure out what was going on with her. Just as he was about to hit the button the bell rang, signaling the end of the period. He stopped himself. Soon the glee club would come barreling in for rehearsal and question him. Puck didn't want that. He discretely slipped the player and tape into his backpack and took his seat as Kurt, Mercedes, and the rest of the club entered the room.

Rachel hadn't shown up for rehearsal that day.

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><p>AN2: So Puck finally makes his appearance! I know that the story is moving along slowly but please stay with me, the exciting stuff will come sure enough. Anyways please review and enjoy!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Hey everyone! I'm back! I hope your enjoying the story so far. Thanks to all my readers for sticking with me so far and don't forget to review. Also feel free to give me your input or any ideas you might have for the story. I'll try to fit them in accordingly. Anyways here is the next chapter!

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><p>When glee rehearsal ended, Kurt voiced the question the rest of the glee club had been thinking. "Why wasn't Miss Diva at rehearsal today?" He asked loudly. "It's not like her, in fact, I don't even remember he ever missing a day of school in her entire life!"<p>

The others murmured in agreement except Puck, who was trying his hardest to get the fuck out of there and to his truck as quickly as possible. He brushed by Kurt roughly as he was making his way out of the room.

"Well hold on there, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Mohawked." Kurt drawled out. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

Puck cringed, "Can it Beyoncé. I don't have to explain myself to you."

"Well, well no need to get defensive." Kurt answered him as he crossed his arms over his chest and turned his back on the muscle-bound jock. "If I didn't know any better," He called over his shoulder. "I'd say you knew something about Miss Berry that the rest of us do not."

Puck narrowed his eyes dangerously. He was not in the mood to deal with this crap. "I don't know shit about, Crazy." He spit at him so viciously that the fashionable soprano took a step back.

Puck didn't give him a chance to answer as he stormed out. He didn't want to deal with Kurt's questioning and he definitely didn't want to talk about Berry. He'd only see her when she'd been crying in the choir room. He didn't know anything else about why she was upset and he wasn't going to dwell on it. Why should he? He didn't care about her before. Even when they dated for a week, they'd been in love with other people. Quinn was the one he wanted. She was the mother of his child. They were supposed to be together, right? If that was the case then why did his thoughts keep drifting back to Berry?

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><p>As soon as Rachel saw Puck outside the choir room she froze. This was not how she wanted anyone to find her, especially Puck. Whenever she felt the icy sting of a slushie on her face she would turn on her heel, head held high, off to clean up. She prided herself in being able to never show weakness or vulnerability to her tormentors. Now, she was standing in front of him at her weakest point.<p>

He visibly tensed when he saw her but then relaxed and his expressed changed to one that looked bored and slightly annoyed. She'd seen that look before, countless times actually. When they had dated for a week early in the year he'd had the same expression whenever she tried to have an actual conversation. In fact, he looked like that whenever they did something other than making out. It was then that she realized Puck didn't care about her. Not before when he was throwing slushies on her, not when they had dated, and not now when she stood there falling apart in front of him. So instead of berating him for intruding on a private moment, Rachel simply stared at him before walking out of McKinley.

Rachel hopped in her car and drove to her house as quickly as possible. She stormed to her room and threw herself on the bed, crying for what seemed like that the thousandth time that day. The crumpled letter was dangling from her hands as the sobs ripped through her body.

"No!" She screamed to the empty room. Rachel shot straight out of bed and walked over to the box. She picked it up and dumped its contents everywhere. _'There has got to be something in her.' _She thought to herself.

"Here we go." She smiled triumphantly as she stared at a thin piece of paper it her hand. It was a photograph, taken by one her fathers she presumed, of herself and her mother. Rachel looked to be about five or six with messy brown hair and wide-brown eyes. Her mother shared the same physical features but instead of the bright-eyed innocence displayed on Rachel's face, her eyes shown with motherly compassion. Rachel scoffed at the picture.

"If you had any ounce of compassion if your body." She spit at the picture. "You wouldn't have left me in Lima."

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><p>Puck jogged over to his truck and slid into the front seat. He threw his stuff into the back roughly and turned around before he heard the loud clatter of something falling out of his bag. He stuck his hand behind the seat and rummaged around until he found the source of the noise. He lifted it up to see that it was the old cassette player that Berry had been messing with earlier. He ejected the tape and flipped it over. <em>'For Rachel' <em>was scrawled at the top of it. He set the player on the dashboard and his finger hovered over the play button.

"What do you think you're doing?" A voice spoke from outside the truck.

"What the fu– Ouch!" He cried out as he smacked his head on the roof of his truck. Puck rubbed the sore spot on his head and turned around to see none other than Jesse St. Douche staring through the truck window.

"I said, what do you think you're doing." He said calmly, but with a hint of annoyance. "That doesn't belong to you." He said to Puck as he eyed the cassette player perched on the dashboard.

"Dude, how the fuck did you –? Why are you –?" Puck tried to formulate sentences.

"Shut up, Duck. Just give me the tape and we can put this whole incident behind us. Jesse seethed as he stuck his hand out, waiting.

"It's Puck." He spit out behind clenched teeth. "And how the fuck would you know that this isn't mine?" He questioned raising an eyebrow.

Jesse visibly tensed then glared at Puck. "Just give me the damn –"

_*Beep*_

Both boys were startled by the sound of a phone going off. Jesse dug around in his pockets and pulled out his cell phone, checking the name on the caller ID.

"Crap." He muttered under his breath. He threw one last glare over his shoulder before stalking off in the opposite direction.

'_What the fuck just happened?' _Puck thought to himself. He glanced back at the cassette player and shoved it back into his bag. He had no idea what the hell St. Douche wanted with Rachel's things, but he didn't like it, not one bit. He shifted his truck out of park and sped out of the parking lot as quickly as possible. Something weird was going on with Rachel, something that Jesse knew and a big part of it had to do with the tape that was currently in his bag. He knew that the 'Puck' thing to do would be to give Jesse the tape and pretend like none of this had ever happened, but the 'Noah' inside him told him not to. As much as Berry annoyed the crap out of him, there was something about her that made him care. Noah Puckerman caring about Rachel Berry? Stranger things had happened he supposed.

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><p>AN: So there you have it. Puck is now determined to find out what's going on with Rachel. I may or may not have Shelby make another appearance in the next chapter; you'll have to stay with me to find out. Also I'm currently away from home so I may not be able to update for a while, but we'll see. Anyways hope you enjoyed the chapter!<p> 


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